WAKE THE HELL UP AMERICA: ISIS Training Ground Busted Up At Nevada County State Park
North Bloomfield, CA — After a two month investigation of a remote abandoned mine cave, local authorities in cooperation with Federal law enforcement have broken up an elaborate terrorist operation in the Sierra Foothills state park Malakoff Diggins.
“We got ‘em,” said a spokesman for the Sheriff’s department. “Initially we thought this was another Honey Oil operation until we saw various men coming and going who did not fit the profile of a typical ‘Ridge‘ production facility. It was clear after the second day of surveillance that we needed to bring the feds in.”
ISIS or the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria is a United Nations designated terrorist group responsible for human rights abuses and war crimes, and Amnesty International has reported ethnic cleansing by the group on a “historic scale”. Originally called the Jama’at al-Tawhid wal-Jihad or JATWJ, the leadership decided to change the name to ISIS in 2006 to get Westerners to take them more seriously with a more onerous acronym. The terrorist group is known to have what are called “sleeper cells” throughout the world waiting to attack unsuspecting “infidels.” Officials believe this to be a sleeper cell in Nevada County.
According to sources close to the remote state park raid, officials and police seized automatic weapons, laptops and a rather large cache of Ranch Salad dressing and deer pictures. They also has several receipts from local same-day check cashing/payday loans services.
“Yeah, the salad dressing thing is weird,” continued the Sheriff’s spokesman, “but these fringe groups always have some strange artifact. We’ve seen this with the apocalyptic, end-of-the-world types who hoard beans and rice and Beatles memorabilia. It’s odd.”
Apparently some members of the sleeper cell were using fake Facebook profiles to infiltrate the over 372 Nevada County Facebook groups. According to an administrator of the popular Nevada County Peeps Facebook group, they were able to stamp these terrorist “trolls” back in October.
“We sniffed those fake profiles out almost immediately,” said a “Peeps” administrator who insisted on remaining anonymous. “We don’t put up with that and put several other profiles on alert.”
When asked how the “Peeps” were able to identify fake terrorist profiles 3 months before the FBI raid, the administrators where somewhat cocky.
“Look,” continued the administrator, “anytime you have anyone carrying on about deer, you know you’ve got a troll. And come on. Ranch dressing? That’s a dead giveaway for an Islamic terrorist. We also have a secret troll/terrorist-finding formula that is foolproof.”