Republicans Shut Down Prefrontal Cortex
By Andy Borowitz, The New Yorker
09 October 13
In
an escalation of the stalemate gripping Washington, House Republicans
voted today to shut down the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain
that controls reasoning and impulses.
The
resolution, which passed with heavy Tea Party support, calls for a
partial shutdown of the brain, leaving the medulla and cerebellum,
sometimes referred to as the "reptilian brain," up and
running.
The
Tea Party caucus cheered the passage of the bill, which was sponsored
by Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, who called the measure
"long overdue."
House
Speaker John Boehner (R., Ohio) offered no timetable for restarting the
prefrontal cortex, telling reporters, "It will most certainly remain
shut down during any negotiations with the President. That's the only
leverage we have."
Representative Bachmann agreed: "The President can go ahead and put a gun to our heads. There's nothing there."
While
the G.O.P.'s decision to shut down the prefrontal cortex rattled Wall
Street, the neuroscientist Davis Logsdon said it should be seen as
little more than a symbolic vote, noting, "It's actually been shut down
since the
2008 election."
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